There is no single definition for American anymore, as we are a racially colorful society made up of homosexuals, transsexuals, heterosexuals, Christians, Jews, atheists, Buddhists, Democrats, Republicans, the green party and every other sexual orientation, religious affiliation and political faction that I didn't get to (I apologize if I left you out). With all these varied groups of people, sometimes it seems difficult to keep track of what is appropriate and what is better left unsaid.
Before I get started, let me state that I am not the person who misinterprets everything that is said to somehow be rude or impolite. Those people bug me and I'm sure you know who they are: They are the people who wait in dark corners only to jump out when others make comments that may or may not be directed at anyone, and then they somehow turn the conversation around so that those comments suddenly seem extremely offensive.
I am not a neo-feminist who is insulted by the institution of marriage or any other age-old tradition that has recently been misconstrued as acts against women, and I am never offended when someone pokes fun at my 5'2" stature.
I am by no means a particularly politically correct individual who gets insulted easily. Actually, the term "politically correct" irritates me.
This is because its implication is so broad that having a decent discussion, in class or otherwise, without the worry of being "politically incorrect" is almost impossible. For these reasons, I will not use the term "politically correct" to define what can otherwise be referred to as decent or courteous.
With all that said, however, I am here to draw the fine line. Between what, you ask? The line between being an anal, uptight politically correct annoyance to society and simply being a polite, self-respecting human being.
The event that brought this issue about occurred last weekend when a group of friends and I were enjoying a meal at a dimly-lit restaurant.
Before I get started, let me state that I am not the person who misinterprets everything that is said to somehow be rude or impolite. Those people bug me and I'm sure you know who they are: They are the people who wait in dark corners only to jump out when others make comments that may or may not be directed at anyone, and then they somehow turn the conversation around so that those comments suddenly seem extremely offensive.
I am not a neo-feminist who is insulted by the institution of marriage or any other age-old tradition that has recently been misconstrued as acts against women, and I am never offended when someone pokes fun at my 5'2" stature.
I am by no means a particularly politically correct individual who gets insulted easily. Actually, the term "politically correct" irritates me.
This is because its implication is so broad that having a decent discussion, in class or otherwise, without the worry of being "politically incorrect" is almost impossible. For these reasons, I will not use the term "politically correct" to define what can otherwise be referred to as decent or courteous.
With all that said, however, I am here to draw the fine line. Between what, you ask? The line between being an anal, uptight politically correct annoyance to society and simply being a polite, self-respecting human being.
The event that brought this issue about occurred last weekend when a group of friends and I were enjoying a meal at a dimly-lit restaurant.
A conversation about a girl who is not popular within our group of friends arose, to which my friend added a little louder than anticipated, "Oh, she's so retarded!" As this comment was made, our waiter who happened to be serving our meals at that moment signaled for my friend to lower her voice and motioned toward the corner of the room where a mentally-disabled woman sat in her wheelchair enjoying a meal.
Needless to say, my friend was terribly embarrassed and blushed at her mistake. I am sure the handicapped woman heard none of our conversation, but my friend could not forgive herself for her slip.
Am I telling this story so my friend feels worse about what she said? Not in the least. I am telling this story because this sort of thing happens to the best of us. The comment my friend made says nothing bad about her character, except for maybe that she needs to be more cautious about the things she says. The same thing can be said about all of us.
This situation proved to me one thing. Though my friend was the one who made the "retarded" comment, she is not entirely to blame. Society plays a big part in this issue as well. Our culture as a whole is to blame for the way we all downplay hurtful phrases as if they are all just ordinary words used to describe what we really mean to say.
Everyone at the table knew my friend wasn't actually calling the subject of our conversation mentally disabled. But if there wasn't the awkward moment in which someone potentially could have gotten offended, would any of us have even thought twice about the vocabulary that was chosen? I don't think so. Why? Because society tells us that these words are meaningless.
Don't fret, though. It is not too late to reverse an entire societal tendency.
As discussed in my Communication 114 class, certain words come with certain connotations. The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines connotation as "the suggesting of a meaning by a word apart from the thing it explicitly names or describes."
Needless to say, my friend was terribly embarrassed and blushed at her mistake. I am sure the handicapped woman heard none of our conversation, but my friend could not forgive herself for her slip.
Am I telling this story so my friend feels worse about what she said? Not in the least. I am telling this story because this sort of thing happens to the best of us. The comment my friend made says nothing bad about her character, except for maybe that she needs to be more cautious about the things she says. The same thing can be said about all of us.
This situation proved to me one thing. Though my friend was the one who made the "retarded" comment, she is not entirely to blame. Society plays a big part in this issue as well. Our culture as a whole is to blame for the way we all downplay hurtful phrases as if they are all just ordinary words used to describe what we really mean to say.
Everyone at the table knew my friend wasn't actually calling the subject of our conversation mentally disabled. But if there wasn't the awkward moment in which someone potentially could have gotten offended, would any of us have even thought twice about the vocabulary that was chosen? I don't think so. Why? Because society tells us that these words are meaningless.
Don't fret, though. It is not too late to reverse an entire societal tendency.
As discussed in my Communication 114 class, certain words come with certain connotations. The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines connotation as "the suggesting of a meaning by a word apart from the thing it explicitly names or describes."
People should take the time to at least think about the connotations attached to words they use. Not only is this a good way to maintain self-respect in general, but in a college community where so many use bad language because they have nothing better to say, someone who takes the time to think about their words would stand out in a very positive, professional light.
Thinking of examples of words that are used lightly that carry heavy connotations, there are a few that come to me in a matter of seconds: "retarded" being the first. Tied for second are the words "gay" and a certain derogatory name for a female.
Gay. This is an interesting one, especially since the line gets fuzzier as I meet more homosexual people who could really care less what the word is used for. However, the most common I hear is as an adjective for something unpleasant.
If I were homosexual, I probably wouldn't be terribly offended if I heard someone call, say, a bad score on a test "gay," because I would just assume they a) don't know any better or b) are ill-mannered and therefore not worth stressing about. But there are many who do find it insulting, and it is for them that we should do one simple thing - think before we speak.
Using words like "gay" and "retarded" in any other way than what their true meanings are will probably not hurt you in the long run. Again, I only argue to simply dedicate a few split seconds to think about what you're saying.
If in the end you make the personal decision that saying one of the aforementioned words will not impose damage on anyone, then at least you've contributed to change in a bigger way than most of society has.
Thinking of examples of words that are used lightly that carry heavy connotations, there are a few that come to me in a matter of seconds: "retarded" being the first. Tied for second are the words "gay" and a certain derogatory name for a female.
Gay. This is an interesting one, especially since the line gets fuzzier as I meet more homosexual people who could really care less what the word is used for. However, the most common I hear is as an adjective for something unpleasant.
If I were homosexual, I probably wouldn't be terribly offended if I heard someone call, say, a bad score on a test "gay," because I would just assume they a) don't know any better or b) are ill-mannered and therefore not worth stressing about. But there are many who do find it insulting, and it is for them that we should do one simple thing - think before we speak.
Using words like "gay" and "retarded" in any other way than what their true meanings are will probably not hurt you in the long run. Again, I only argue to simply dedicate a few split seconds to think about what you're saying.
If in the end you make the personal decision that saying one of the aforementioned words will not impose damage on anyone, then at least you've contributed to change in a bigger way than most of society has.
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